You know those conversations that have to be had, but.....somehow we keep putting them off? Well here's some tips for how to get going.
1. Make sure you feel up to it before you start.
2. Find a quiet, private place.
3. Make sure neither person has been using substances (that means you as well).
4. Always start with an 'I' statement.
An 'I' statement is:
'I feel........... (please be honest about you own feelings here)
because.......(describe the issue but do not use the word 'you')
and I would like.....(this is a statement about you and what you need)
Notice this statement is about you taking responsibility for your own feelings and does not mention the other person in any way. It's an honest appeal for them to talk to you.
I needed to talk to someone I knew about the fact that their dog was not safe to be unsupervised around children. I had seen it twice recently at gatherings and both times it had snapped at a child.
This is the 'I' statement I used. We were walking together in the park and I said,
'I feel concerned, because there are times when a trusted dog can become distressed and need support and I'm wondering if this could be happening to (dog's name).'
My friend didn't answer right away and I just kept walking alongside her and waited. She began to talk about her dog and how wonderful he has been over the years. I agreed with her that he had been a wonderful dog. She then said that she wondered if he was having some pain because he wasn't acting like himself sometimes. We talked about what she could do about this and left it there.
On our next walk she told me her dog had arthritis in his hips and was now on pain killers. She also stated that she and her partner had decided not to take him to events where there were children as he was getting old and sometimes struggled with all the people.
I had prepared my 'I' statement in advance. I suggest you do this where possible.
I had taught my grandson how to do 'I' statements and one day he said to me...
'Grandma I feel frustrated because there is no playstation here and I would like you to get a playstation.'
A good try at an 'I' statement, he just fell into using 'you' at the end. Perhaps he could have ended with 'and I like playstation.'
Practice making up some 'I' statements yourself, it gets easier as you practice.
Whatever the subject of your conversation it will go better if you start about YOU. Honesty and respect for the other person are integral to an 'I' statement.
Remember mental health is every bodies business.
