Blog

Deb Gleeson - 04 September 2017

Being 'wise in hindsight' is not always helpful

Wise in hindsight is a double edged sword

When we look at things in hindsight we forget that we are not the same person we were when we experienced the situation initially. We can look at the situation and start thinking things like:

Why didn't I see that was going to happen?

Why didn't I do something differently?

I knew that was going to happen

We may start feeling guilty and blaming ourselves for things that were not in our ability to control. We may begin to blame ourselves for not doing something or changing the situation in some way.

Our lives are made of series of decisions: each decision can have multiple outcomes or different possibilities at the time we make it. We cannot predict the outcomes of decisions at the time we make them.

Wise in hindsight: is a cognitive (thought) way of looking at the past and thinking we could have predicted the outcomes of our decisions and/or the decisions of others.

We make the best decisions based on what we know at the time.

If the outcome of a choice we made is not what we thought would happen….our hindsight can make us think we knew what would happen and we can feel guilty.

If this is happening to you….

1. Look at the past situation and ask yourself 'What did I know then?'
2. What was the decision I made?
3. Think of at least three outcomes that could have come from that moment in time (including the actual outcome)
4. Look at the choice and the alternative outcomes.
5. Ask yourself truthfully if the person you were at the time knew the outcome and decided to make that decision anyway. You know you wouldn't make a decision that would automatically lead to an undesirable outcome. We make decisions based on who we are at the time, what knowledge we have at the time and the most likely decision to give us the outcome we desire.
6. Look at yourself with understanding and compassion. Let all of the thoughts around hindsight go and surround yourself with empathy and compassion.
7. Hindsight is sometimes an unhelpful thought process that leads us to shame and guilt. If you are having trouble letting go, you may like to get professional help. Your GP can assist you to access a psychologist who can work with you.

People who have been in a traumatic situation may look back on it and find themselves judging themself harshly. Traumatic situations are abnormal things that happen to regular people. Be kind to yourself, and if you can't be kind to yourself ask for help.

Remember Mental Health is everyone's business.